Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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