I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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