Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
