How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
