Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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