he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
