Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
