even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
