i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
