it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
soo... how was my night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
