i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
