I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone shit on the floor
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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