I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
