sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
