I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
