I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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