you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
