Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
