I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
