I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
