So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
