he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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