Michael Bay diarrhea
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
