Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
