Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
