He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
