Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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