Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
