i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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