I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
