Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
