Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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