You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
