dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
