Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
