well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
