No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
