The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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