Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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