New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
