if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
