cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
