paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
