she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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