my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
