normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
