Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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