Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
