well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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