piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
