he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
