I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
