I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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