Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
third nipple confirmed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
