it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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