Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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