true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
