What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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