I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
