i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
